I'd give anything

just to see you again....

When I read the lyrics (in the prior post) of the song for the challenge over at the Scrapping the Music blog they hit me pretty hard.

That's exactly how I feel, there are so many people that I'd give anything to see again. Of course right now it's Loyd that we're missing the most. I wish that all of his family could see him again and have the chance to say goodbye. That his two 6 yr old grandsons didn't have to witness his heart attack, the paramedics doing CPR and taking him out of the house.

The sisters are having a really hard time with our loss. Especially for Sis in CA who wasn't able to make it home for the service. She's struggling with a lot of guilt and I don't know what to do for her besides just listen and try to comfort her.

Sis in CR is struggling with the loss too. Plus she's helping her husband who's having some health issues. Trying to help her daughter through a difficult pregnancy and being there for Marty who needs all of our support. Also worrying about Boyd and how he's handling the loss.

While we are an hour and a half away it's close enough to be there to help and just far enough to feel separated and that we aren't there enough.

It's a struggle all around.

Today has probably been one of the harder days for Boyd. The Big 10 wrestling championships were on and Loyd didn't call to find out what channel it would be on. That's been Loyd's thing for the last few years. I seriously think it was Loyd's way to talk to Boyd once a week even if it was just for a few minutes.

This afternoon I caught myself just before I told Boyd he should call Loyd to tell him. In the middle of the meet Boyd said he wanted to call Loyd. That was really hard for me. Ugh!

I know it gets easier everyday, I know that Loyd is in a better place. I remember what it was like to loose my dad and my grandma. But I forgot those moments of pain that take your breath away, when you are taken back to that moment you learned they died and you don't know how to go on. It's been a take your breath away kind of day. Makes me wish the weekend was one day longer.